Last night I watched an episode of "Boston Legal." In one of the storylines, Clarence/Clarice was suing the all-women gym he/she once belonged to. (Clarence is a man who dresses up as a woman named Clarice because as Clarence he is too shy and lacks confidence to the things Clarice does, such as stand up for herself to others or speak her mind.) The gym owner said that she could no longer permit him, as Clarence, to use the gym's facility because it was an all women's gym and even though she knew that technically he was a man, so long as he was dressed as a woman, it could be permitted. (Pretty flimsy, yes.)
But as the story developed, at the heart of the matter it wasn't that now Clarence was a man but that as a Clarice, he had heard about the problems and pains of the other gym members, particularly the gym owner being sued, who had gone through a bad divorce. And now that the divorce was over she didn't want anything to do with Clarice anymore because she reminded this woman of her past life.
It was a "YOU-reka" moment for me. It makes me think about the friend in my life who changed on me and who "dropped" me after I had supported her through the past two years of her bad divorce. When our friendship started drifting apart it wasn't just because I wasn't chatty in the morning anymore or because I was having other problems in my personal life, but it was because I knew too much about her and the horror of her divorce. I saw a side of her that people outside of her family didn't see: I saw her at her lowest and that makes people vulnerable and she didn't want to be that vulnerable to someone else.
In hindsight the friendship ended formally on a good note: She took me out for a fancy lunch as a thank you for having been there for her through her divorce and for being her ear. Who would've thought that after that lunch, our friendship would be over.
But as the story developed, at the heart of the matter it wasn't that now Clarence was a man but that as a Clarice, he had heard about the problems and pains of the other gym members, particularly the gym owner being sued, who had gone through a bad divorce. And now that the divorce was over she didn't want anything to do with Clarice anymore because she reminded this woman of her past life.
It was a "YOU-reka" moment for me. It makes me think about the friend in my life who changed on me and who "dropped" me after I had supported her through the past two years of her bad divorce. When our friendship started drifting apart it wasn't just because I wasn't chatty in the morning anymore or because I was having other problems in my personal life, but it was because I knew too much about her and the horror of her divorce. I saw a side of her that people outside of her family didn't see: I saw her at her lowest and that makes people vulnerable and she didn't want to be that vulnerable to someone else.
In hindsight the friendship ended formally on a good note: She took me out for a fancy lunch as a thank you for having been there for her through her divorce and for being her ear. Who would've thought that after that lunch, our friendship would be over.
And what else you "took" from that "Boston" episode?!?!
That others have been through what you have... it is sad that all those things doesn't happen just to us, but everyone else in the world and not so sad the garantee that it will happen again with us and others, it tells us that people keep on trying, giving their best to help others...
I think it is sad because means that others have been through what we have been and will be in the future.
I see that "episode" of yours still hurt but I have one thing to ask you:
"Don't give up. Don't step back next time some friend or colleage needs your helpful hand or shoulder!!"
Isn't it a wonderful thing to give?! Even if it doesn't (and almost never does) pay!!!
And remind this saying:
"The friendship that can come to an end, never began."
Have a Nice Weeked!
Teresa
P.S.- I believe Clarences should transform into Clarices more often... but that's another episode.